Dealing with disagreements has far more to do with your emotions than your perspectives. It’s more about your ego, identity, and insecurity than your intelligence, experience, and opinions.
Two of the wisest filters you can integrate into your life are:
- Where do smart people disagree with me on important things? And why?
- How are people who believe and behave differently than I do able to create impact and value?
If you find yourself in a disagreement worth working through, and I encourage you to wisely decide if that’s the case, here are four things to understand in yourself and the person you disagree with:
- Are you seeing all the same facts? (Probably not)
- Are you telling yourselves the same story? (Definitely not)
- Do you feel the same? (Probably not)
- Do you experience the same impact? (Definitely not)
Not every disagreement needs to be resolved. Not every disagreement can be resolved. That doesn’t mean it needs to change the relationship or end it. It’s normal for people to see the same facts from different perspectives and arrive at separate conclusions. Good people can disagree with you. You can disagree with good people.
You get to choose your response. Even if you never got to choose your circumstance.
Embrace the chase. Do the work.
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