Today’s behavior skill is: EMPATHY

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Brian Kight

Misperceptions about empathy are widespread. Mostly because it’s another example of a foundational behavior skill we were never taught, never practiced, never trained, and never got focused feedback. So well executed empathy is rare. That creates opportunity for you to make a difference and leave an impact.

Let’s start with the purpose and value of empathy before addressing the skill and how to. Empathy creates understanding and connection. It is the most attractive characteristic in the world. Want to influence someone? Use empathy. Want them to be drawn to you? Use empathy. Want them to remember you? Use empathy.

The simple skill of empathy is to find out what is important to the other person and make it important to you in a way they feel and value. Here’s the important part of the skill — that’s a choice. It isn’t a feeling or an emotion. It’s a decision and an action.

Self-awareness
Most people confuse empathy with emotion. Their awareness is tuned to what they feel instead of the choice they need to make. A simple self-awareness approach for making this choice is to say one of two things to yourself: (1) I care what’s important to this person and I’m going to find out. Or (2) I don’t care what’s important to this person and I will not find out. Make your choice, act in alignment, own the consequences.

Self-discipline
Anyone can empathize when they feel it. Most people do. That’s not skill, it’s not unique, and it’s not especially valuable. Choosing empathy, especially when you aren’t exactly feeling it, is the skill and rare value. Choose to find out what matters to people who aren’t you, don’t think like you, feel like you, or see like you. Appreciate that and understand it, whether you agree with it or not, because if you don’t understand them, you are in no position to connect with or criticize them.

Self-confidence
You will not lose yourself by empathizing with others. You will not appear soft, fragile, or wishy-washy. You will seem humble, secure, kind, and curious. Everyone is drawn to that kind of person. Ultimately, empathy makes people feel good, and if you’re the source of that, then you are in a position of influence and credibility.

Do the work.

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