Today’s message is not a suggestion on what you should do. None of my messages are. Today, especially, is about what you can do if you want to and choose to.
Because I believe forgiving others for their faults and mistakes, even those that deeply hurt us, is one of the most important, powerful, and unique capabilities of human free will. Refusing forgiveness is equally powerful and unique, but for different reasons.
The simple skill of forgiveness is releasing yourself from carrying an unnecessary burden for anyone else and recognizing that decision is mostly for you and entirely up to you.
Forgiveness is a personal decision and not one that requires anything from anyone else, including the person you forgive. They don’t need to be sorry in order to forgive them. They don’t need to apologize, make amends, or demonstrate they understand the impact of the actions. Forgiveness, in truth, has nothing to do with whether the other person accepts it.
Decide whether to forgive, not because of what it does for the other person, but what it gives to you.
Self-awareness
Two downsides of holding grudges and not forgiving are (1) fixating on the real or perceived injustices in your life and (2) keeping painful emotions alive, fresh, and in control. Two upsides of forgiveness are (1) fixating on the joys in your life and the gratitude they bring and (2) allowing painful emotions to run their natural course and fade away, allowing room for more fulfilling emotions. Just because something was painful once, doesn’t mean it has to be painful forever.
Self-discipline
Forgiveness is your choice alone. No one else needs to understand it. No one else needs to get it. If you harbor deep resentment, bitter anger, and intense blame towards someone it mostly affects you, since you’re the one creating and carrying those thoughts and holding those emotions. So if you ever decide to let it all go, forgive, and use your heart and mind for different things, it’s only one decision away.
Self-confidence
I have never heard of someone who genuinely granted forgiveness and felt worse afterward. In every text, ancient and new, resentment has proven to be an anchor that traps people in turbulent seas. It tosses you around until it begins to flood your thoughts and fill your mind. Eventually, if you can’t cut anchor, it pulls you under. Across all races, regions, and religions, forgiveness is universally a confidence building, heart inspiring show of strength. It’s an act of a warrior, not of a coward.
Do the work.
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