Today’s behavior skill is: HONESTY

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Brian Kight

We don’t typically think of honesty as a skill with variable degrees of quality and effectiveness. We tend to think of it as black & white absolute or as embedded character. But it’s just as much a skill as every other discipline we address, that varies by person, content, context, and timing.

If a person doesn’t want to be honest or won’t try to be honest, there isn’t much value discussing the skill of how to be honest. At that point it’s a different conversation. But that’s too common.

What is incredibly common is for good people to decide whether to tell the truth or hide it based on the anticipated negative consequences of being honest. Use the skill of observation we addressed 14 days ago (December 7th) to observe for yourself. People love to claim honesty, but live by selective honesty to avoid potential exposure and serve their self interest.

The simple skill of honesty is to tell the truth as you understand it, with love and purpose, in an effort to share something of value.

Honesty doesn’t mean you’re right. It doesn’t mean anyone has to believe you, agree with you, or even like it. Honesty is the act of sharing your authentic experience. Skill is doing it in a way your target audience will receive it. The act requires courage. The skill requires practice.

Self-awareness
Everyone wrestles with honesty. Anyone who says they don’t isn’t being honest and proves that everyone wrestles with honesty. People are vessels of opinionated thoughts and webs of layered emotions. Honesty, like everything else, is easier as an idea than an action.

Some people debate whether to be honest. Some people search for how to be honest. Some people use honesty as a way to cut people down. Some people are bluntly honest without consideration or concern for the impact it has. Investigate where, when, why, and how you wrestle with honesty. (Tip: the first investigation is always the honesty you have with yourself)

Self-discipline
Never detach the truth from love. Earn the right to tell hard truths by always doing it with real love. Too often people use their love for someone as the reason to not tell the truth. That isn’t protecting them, it’s harming them and protecting yourself. You might need to read this paragraph again because I am telling you the truth with love right here: this paragraph might be for you and it might be the most important decision in your life.

Self-confidence
To improve your honesty, increase your empathy. They’re not opposing forces. The more you understand about the person, what’s important to them, and what they’re dealing with, the more willing they are to hear your honest perspective. And the more confident you are that the relationship is strong enough to support honest conversations in both directions.

Don’t fall into the default trap of withholding the truth because you’re worried about hurting feelings, damaging relationships, or suffering consequences. Improve your skill in delivering honesty with empathy.

Do the work.

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DAILY DISCIPLINE

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