How Do You Make People Feel?

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Brian Kight

The question in the subject-line is a little tricky. You get the idea. Still, I am compelled to remind all of us, myself included: You don’t control anyone’s emotions but your own so you can’t make someone feel anything. That’s a key distinction.

It’s important to stay consistent in our principles. If you are responsible for your emotions then everyone else is responsible for theirs. We want to care for each other, not regulate each other. We want to contribute to each other’s experiences, not try to control each other’s experiences. 

So a more accurate question is: How do people feel when they interact with you?

Because everything you do, or don’t do, has an impact in some way. Much of that impact is on people. Your attitude, action, and words deliver experiences to others. Every experience has meaning. With meaning comes feelings and emotions.

Through interacting with you, people feel better about themselves or worse. They feel encouraged or discouraged, bigger or smaller, happier or sadder, smarter or dumber, fulfilled or frustrated, cared for or ignored, appreciated or overlooked.

This is on my mind because I’m not sure I’ve done the best at this. At times something else takes priority in the moment. I lose awareness of the experience I’m giving to people I interact with. Especially the people I interact with most. For me it’s not a lack of interest or intention, but a lack of focus and attention. Impulse and autopilot quickly and easily engage.

Let’s commit to lifting people up. Let’s elevate the people around us. Let’s look at them the way we want them to look at us. Let’s see the best in people the way we want people to see the best in us. Let’s believe in them the way we want them to believe in us. Let’s love them the way we want them to love us.

Everything is training for something. Do the work.

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