It can be challenging to hear about things you're not doing well or that people want you to do differently. The type of delivery (formal or informal, expected or unexpected, direct or indirect) makes little practical difference in how difficult it can be to process this kind of feedback well. For some people, how it's delivered is irrelevant. It feels like criticism.
What's the most common reaction to criticism?
Defensiveness.
Even when the feedback is accurate and delivered well.
But it doesn't matter whether feedback comes in the manner, style, and timing you prefer. What matters is whether it's accurate, relevant, and impactful.
You have a responsibility not to get defensive. First, because no one wants to deal with a defensive person. Not now. Not ever.
Additionally, two devastating things happen when you get defensive:
- You compound the pre-existing issue or create one that wasn't there to begin with.
- People stop telling you the truth about your behavior, its impact, and the experience of interacting with you because they don't want to deal with you or your defensiveness.
Defensiveness has no place in a disciplined life.
Answer the call. Do the work.
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