Ok. Let’s return to the skill of processing criticism. Here’s the next step on the bridge to clear thinking.
Criticism confronts us with something about our behavior and its impact that is ineffective or unpleasant to someone else.
I remember a guy criticizing me early in my career for writing too small on the whiteboard during a workshop I was teaching. Fair enough. I wrote bigger.
I vividly recall a woman criticizing me after a keynote for using the phrase “pissed off”. She found that language upsetting. Fair enough. But I didn’t change my language for her.
My wife recently criticized me for being on my phone in certain settings. She said it seems like I’m not present and distant from the group. Fair enough. It’s true that I’m on my phone more than most, partly because I own and run a business, but I’m also on it more than I need to be, especially when I’m with other people.
As we discussed last week, the first question to ask when you receive criticism is, “Is any part of this true?”
Was my writing on the whiteboard hard for some people to read? I had to acknowledge, yes, that might be true.
Did I say “pissed off”? Yes, I did. Did one woman find that offensive? Yes, she did. Was she upset with me for it? Yes, yes she was.
Have I given my attention to my phone when it would have been better to give my attention to the people around me? Yes, that’s true. Do other people notice it? Yes, they do. Do they enjoy it? No, they don’t.
Remember: criticism shows us our behavior and its impact on others. The discipline is to see as much truth as you can about your action and its impact.
Some of it will be objective, some of it subjective. Observe and find it. After you are clear on what is true, you can begin thinking about what it means and what to do with it.
But here’s an important question I want you to answer before we get into that:
What stops you from looking for the truth when you get criticized? What do you protect or prioritize instead?
Event + Response = Outcome. Do the work.
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