Listening is the most important skill of the most important thing in every relationship, communication. Nothing creates understanding better and faster than listening. Nothing destroys quicker than lack of it.
The simple skill of listening is mostly a mental discipline, not a physical one. It is done by focusing on the person talking, being quiet, and not allowing the voice in your head to prioritize over the voice of the person talking.
Life doesn’t start getting better when other people listen to you. It gets better when you start listening to others. The world can use more of that mindset and the skill that comes with it. Give that gift to the people in your life. Put that good experience into the world, not because it will benefit you, but because it’s good and benefits others.
Self-awareness
It’s hard work to act like you’re listening when you’re not really listening. But so many people do exactly that. If you’re not going to listen, just say so. Front it. Save your and the other person’s time, effort, and energy. Otherwise you’re expending valuable resources just to act like you’re listening, but getting no real benefit from it. Plus when you act like you’re listening, you don’t fool anyone. They see it. They feel it. They know it. And they hate it.
Self-discipline
One of the craziest things I hear from people when we practice listening is, “I want to show I’m listening, so I ask questions and share my stories.” They’ve convinced themselves that the best demonstration of listening is by . . . talking? No. Listening shows you’re listening. Talking shows your comprehension, understanding, and priorities. Talking is not good listening. Listening is good listening.
The major disciplines in listening are focusing totally on the other person and being silent (other light validation phrases like “mhmm, makes sense, ok, sure” etc.)
Self-confidence
You will get your chance to share. You don’t need to listen forever. I know it can feel like that in the moment, but it’s not like that. I know you have things that are important to you, that you want to share too. You’ll have your chance. Listen first. Understand first. Earn the right first. If you want others to be open and receptive to what you have to say, listen and understand first. Put yourself in position to be the one they want to listen to.
Do the work.
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