Tomorrow, I will give you insights into how to disarm and minimize people's defensiveness. You cannot control whether someone else gets defensive. You can control how you interact and communicate with people to reduce their chances of getting defensive and disarm defensiveness when it shows up.
Today, though, I am focused on your defensiveness. That is where I want attention for now. Your full, undivided attention.
Here is the question I ask you to think about today:
Who in your life is thinking to themselves, “You know what? I would love it if Friend got more defensive. Because when they get defensive, the conversation goes great, and it helps us connect. It is a helpful and pleasant experience.”
Do you think anyone who experiences you getting defensive is grateful for it?
Or do you think their experience of your defensiveness left a different impression?
Of course, you don’t know the answers to these questions, but you can guess. And I am willing to bet you can guess pretty accurately.
My first appeal to you this week is an emotional one: do not expect people to experience defensiveness from you and not have it affect how they interact with you moving forward. When you get defensive, people stop sharing things with you.
How do you know this is true? Because it is what you do with people who get defensive with you.
Brick by brick. Do the work.
Share your thoughts