Empathy is an unbelievably simple act. All it requires is full focus on the other person. Concentrate on their message, their feelings, their needs, not yours.
And that is what makes empathy so challenging for some people. They struggle with the absence of action inherent to empathy. They want to do something, share something, advance something, solve something.
But empathy requires none of that. It calls for setting those desires down. The purpose of empathy is not to solve a situation. The purpose of empathy is to understand a person and demonstrate an accurate understanding.
Some people resist empathy because they think it wastes time. They want to solve the problem and move on. But empathy does not waste time. When you do empathy right, it saves time.
Empathy creates understanding and connection. People who understand each other and feel connected are more aligned. Alignment solves problems faster. Misalignment delays problem-solving. People are misaligned when they feel disconnected because they do not understand each other. Misunderstanding and disconnection come from a lack of empathy.
Empathy asks you to do nothing more than focus on the other person, what they are feeling, why they are feeling it, and what they need.
If you hustle past empathy and express before demonstrating an accurate understanding of the other person, whatever you express lacks credibility. If you doubt that statement, test yourself the next time you have an issue with someone, and it gets emotional. Explain to the other person your understanding of their whole internal experience and start telling them what to do. Go ahead. Try it out. I dare you.
If you hustle past empathy and jump into problem-solving mode, even if well-intentioned, you will not understand enough to offer a solution. Even if you did, the other person will not be in a position to receive your solution.
Everything waits on understanding. That is all empathy asks.
Get that right, and you will not only go far, you will go fast.
Brick by brick. Do the work.
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