I thought I fully understood E+R=O. I was wrong.
I had accepted that events plus my responses created outcomes. I accepted that events did not control my response, that only I chose my response. But I was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle.
Whenever I got an outcome I didn’t like — failed a test, lost a competition, was late for something, etc — I would look at the two contributing factors:
- The event
- My response
Guess which one I blamed every single time?
You got it. The event.
When the outcome was good, I would minimize the event and highlight my response. But when the outcome was not good, I would blame the event and minimize my response.
“My response may not have been perfect”, I’d tell myself, “but my response wasn’t the problem. The real problem was the event. That’s why this outcome isn’t good. Not because of me.”
When the outcome was not good, I would try to shift responsibility away from my response and onto the event. I could always find something in the event that wasn’t ideal, that influenced the situation, that prevented my response from creating the intended outcome.
E+R=O showed me the truth. It stole my excuses. And it forced me to grow up.
E+R=O showed me that when my response doesn’t work, I don’t get to blame the event. I have to respond better. Events are not in my control. They will not cater to my needs or expectations. It’s not the responsibility of events to fit my prepared or preferred responses.
It’s my responsibility to see events as they are, including when they change in unexpected or unfair ways, and adjust my response to create a good outcome.
E+R=O taught me that when I’m not getting the outcomes I want, it’s not the event’s fault. Events are not responsible for creating the outcomes I want. I am.
Event + Response = Outcome. Do the work.
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